Condolence Messages: What to Write When Someone Has Died

When someone you care about is grieving, finding the right words can feel overwhelming. But sending a sympathy card—no matter how short the message—can offer real comfort and connection. It’s not about saying the perfect thing. It’s about showing you care.

Even a simple, heartfelt note can remind the grieving person that they’re not alone. Your message acknowledges their pain, validates their feelings, and strengthens your relationship. In times of sorrow, that kind of support makes a lasting difference.

What to Write in a Sympathy Card

Writing a condolence message can feel intimidating, especially when emotions are raw. But remember: empathy is more important than eloquence. A sincere message, even just a few lines long, can be incredibly comforting.

Here are some tips to writing a thoughtful message in a condolence card:

Step 1: Keep It Simple and Personal

A short, genuine message is often best. You don’t need to be poetic or profound—just sincere. Use the person’s name if appropriate, and keep your language natural. Here are a few examples:

• “Thinking of you during this difficult time.”
• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “Sending love and strength your way.”

Step 2: Acknowledge the Loss

Don’t shy away from mentioning the loss directly. Naming the person who died can help the grieving person feel seen and supported.

• “I was so sorry to hear that your mom passed away.”
• “My heart breaks for you after losing John.”

Avoid vague phrases like “after what happened.” Clear, compassionate words go a long way.

Step 3: Share a Fond Memory (If You Can)

If you knew the person who passed away, sharing a brief memory or kind word can bring great comfort.

• "I’ll always remember her laugh—it lit up every room.”
• “He was the kindest neighbor. Always had a smile and a wave.”

These moments help celebrate the life of the person who died and remind their loved ones they made an impact.

Step 4: Offer Help, But Be Specific

Vague offers like “Let me know if you need anything” are well-meaning but often go unanswered. Instead, try offering something concrete:

• “I’d love to bring dinner by one night this week.”
• “Can I help walk the dog or pick up groceries?”

Practical gestures show your support in meaningful ways.

Step 5: Include Comforting Thoughts

• “Thinking of you and sending love your way.”
• “May your memories bring you peace.”

Step 6: Close with a Heartfelt Note

• “With deepest sympathy and love.”
• “Holding you in my thoughts and prayers.”

You don’t have to say much—just enough to show you care. Even a short sympathy message, when written from the heart, can offer real comfort.

What to Say Instead of ‘Sorry for Your Loss’

If you’re looking for alternative phrases that still express heartfelt sympathy, consider the following:

1. “Thinking of you during this difficult time.”
2. “Wishing you peace and comfort as you remember [Name].”
3. “Your [mom/dad] was such a kind soul—I’ll never forget them.”
4. “I’ll always remember [Name] and the joy they brought.”
5. “Sending you love and strength today and always.”
6. “May you find comfort in your memories and the support of loved ones.”
7. “You’re in my thoughts and prayers.”
8. “Let me know how I can support you—I'm here.”

These phrases help you express genuine care while avoiding overused or impersonal wording.

How to Sign off a Sympathy Card

A thoughtful closing reinforces your message of support. Choose one that reflects your relationship with the person receiving the card.

For close relationships, you can use phrases such as “with all my love” “always here for you” and “holding you close in my heart”.

For formal or professional relationships, you can use sign off phrases such as “with deepest sympathy”, “sincerely”, and “with heartfelt condolences”.

Other thoughtful options include “thinking of you”, “sending love and strength”, and “wishing you peace.” 

You can personalize your sign-off by including your name or a phrase that reflects your relationship with the bereaved. For instance, “With love, [Your Name]” offers both support and a personal touch. Always tailor your closing to be appropriate for the relationship you shared with the recipient and the deceased.

What Not to Write in a Sympathy Card

Even with the best intentions, certain phrases can come across as unhelpful or even hurtful to someone who is grieving. Grief is deeply personal, and words that may feel comforting to one person could feel dismissive or painful to another. When writing your sympathy card, it’s best to avoid comments that might unintentionally minimise someone’s loss, make assumptions about their beliefs, or shift the focus away from their grief.

Here are some common examples of what to avoid — and why: 

1. “I know how you feel” – Everyone grieves differently
2. “They’re in a better place" – This may not align with the person’s beliefs
3. “Everything happens for a reason” – Can feel dismissive of real pain
4. Sharing your own loss story – This moment should stay focused on the grieving person
5. “You’ll be fine” or “Time heals all wounds” – These may feel rushed or minimising
6. Using humor or referencing flaws – Even well-meant jokes may fall flat
7. Overly religious phrases – Unless you’re certain the recipient shares your beliefs

Instead, focus on offering compassion, understanding, and presence. A short, simple note is always better than silence

It’s the Thought That Counts

Writing a sympathy card may feel daunting, but your kindness matters more than the exact words you choose. A simple message, sent with love and sincerity, can bring real comfort during a time of sorrow.

By acknowledging the loss, offering support, and speaking from the heart, you help the grieving person feel seen and supported. Whether you’re sharing a fond memory, offering practical help, or just letting someone know they’re in your thoughts, your message makes a difference.

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